Friday, August 19, 2011

Brutally Honest

No pictures today folks. No wise cracks, funny comments, or bouncy remarks. Just me in a state of the mullygrubs. I have always been up front with you, my audience, and today is no different. I have felt it coming on for a few days now. Last week I was sick with a stomach bug all week and didn't feel like eating anything. I had gotten down to my lowest weight so far. Then my appetite came back with a vengence. I have been hungry, busy, and stressed out and that my friends is not a good combination.

This morning I just broke. We have started homeschool back, art lessons, band, the goat business, and a garden with more than we can eat or can. I was up about 5 lbs and I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was being pulled in a million directions. Keeping up with the eating was a job in itself. So for the last few weeks the soap business has fallen behind. I was having trouble keeping all my balls in the air.

As I sat on the couch crying, Steve wrapped his arm around me and told me how much he loved me and it was going to be alright. He suggested I should call Jenn the life coach at Fitness Ridge to discuss where I could get back on track. We talked about what I would say and her response. Caution: for those of you who know Jenn don't read this while you drive. You will be laughing so hard you will run off the road. So I would call and tell her help, I'm stressed out and busy and eating out, and gained some weight back and now I'm depressed and I don't know what to do and you have to help me get a plan etc, etc, etc. OK so just yell at me and tell me how you told us we needed a plan or we would fail. So she would start to yell at me and tell me what I'm doing wrong and Sharon would walk by and say, "Who are you yelling at? What's going on?" Jenn would say, "It's Dawn Mathews, she just ate a butt load of food and now she's whining on the phone about regreting it." "What?" Sharon would say, "give me that phone, I'll tell her a thing or two." Alas, I did not call. I can imagine it all going down in my head and chose to fix it on my own.

Luckily for me, Boo Roberts was having the same problem after returning from FR three months ago. He posted on the Fitness Ridge Alumni page on Facebook and here are his suggestions. One: take it one week at a time. Duh! That's what we already know isn't it? We learned that at the Ridge. OK, I can do that. Two: write out your weekly plan and goals. Got it. Three: Know what you are going to eat and when you are going to exercise. Make it a floating chart, not all or nothing. Schedule in two meals where you allow yourself some room. And four: Every Sunday night have an evaluation time to see what went right, wrong, etc. Then plan for the next week. We did that at the Ridge too. When we got to Thursday Sharon would give us post it notes and we would write out our goals for the week. We need that. It's so simple.

I told you on my first post here that I would find success and failure, joy and heartache, greatness and longing. And here I am. Four months into it, having experienced it all. There are good days and bad days. No one wants to live through the bad days, but those are the ones that make you stronger. Before the sun goes down it is wise to have a plan for the next day, because it's coming like it or not.

As I get ready to head to bed here is what I know. I have friends. Many of you have talked to me today and were a great source of encouragement. For that I thank you. I CAN. Tiffany showed me that and the same is true yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I AM WORTH IT. My family and friends have told me that over and over. Now I just have to keep telling myself. This is not hard, it's just different. And different is good. Never give up. Never throw in the towel. Never leave the ring. This is all you have, give it all you have.

A week from tomorrow I will run the Warrior Dash. I may have to walk some of it, I may have to go around the obstacles that are too hard because of my bum elbow, but I will finish. I will wear my viking helmet with pride and eat my turkey leg and shout the victory chant. This is the life I longed for and now it's here breathing down my back. I will enjoy it even if I have a hard day.

I made my reservations to go back to the Ridge yesterday. I will be there April 29th to May 6th. Come with me and live the life you always longed for. If you reserve and mention my name they will give you $100 off. I know it's not much, but heck, it's something;)

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